so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
