He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
