the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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