So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
