We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
