I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
