Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
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For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
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You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize