We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Randomize
