I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
