Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
