I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
