So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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