Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize