Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
another moral hangover. fuck.
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
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He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
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We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
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