Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
