And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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