why didn't you poke me back
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
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