In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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