I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
