He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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