She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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