I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
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