I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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