You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
