I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
