i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
