yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
