Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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