You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
