I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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