After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
