We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize