I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
