We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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