then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
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