I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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