Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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