i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
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I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
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Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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