She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize
