Having a random hookup so left but love u
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Randomize
