NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
