I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Apparently you make a good broom.
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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