Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
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