yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
