why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
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