see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
