I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
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