i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
