I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
