I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
