After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
