He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
You're breaking my sexual little heart
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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