I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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