We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
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