If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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