your parents love me but you hate me
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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